Charm City H3 Trail #239: A Don’t Have One Birthday Roast

What: Charm City H3 Trail #239: A Don’t Have One Birthday Roast

When: Saturday August 27 @ 3 peem

Where: Druid Hill Park, Baltimore –> Grove Rd X Shop Rd

Trail: 3.69 to 4.69 miles for runners, longer for eagles, shorter for walkers. 

Should be dog friendly, no promises for strollers! 

Cost: 6 doll hares 

Hares: Whiny Little Bitch, Lickity Splitz Down the Pole, Facial Profiling (202-568-1608)

If you want to bring a gift, please ask DHO what he wants. Or feel free to gift him some DELICIOUS BEERS!

On After: Casa de Choosy Moms, at which there may be…MORE ROAST!

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A Toast

Don’t Have One has lived, he’s loved and he’s laughed.

We’re setting a trail we hope won’t be his last!

Come join us and frolic and hash through Charm City

We have trail and beer, and neither are shitty!

So where do we start with this master trail cutter?

We’ll start at his birth: out he slid, smooth as butter.

And proceeded to be a cantankerous boy,

This baby of four seemed to get all the toys.

Off to catholic school with Jesus to hash

Smart as a whip, quick as a flash.

So where did he get all his wisdom and knowledge?

Some say it derives from his decade in college.

And sometime thereafter that tour de degree

He met a volleyball player with whom he did quite agree

And convinced her, this Darling, to bike coast to coast

And get married in Vegas, we’ve all heard him boast!

Along came three kids, on whom he doth dote,

But don’t ask him to sing, he can’t hold a note. 

This baby of four surely acts the spoiled part

And at some point in life learned to on-command fart.

There’s nothing to show this grandhasher supreme

That could possibly make his body to squeem.

Except if you bring up your polyamorous life

And tell him about the boyfriend of your wife!

Such sullied paths he prays his kids follow not

For to him he believes: one dick to one twat!

Don’t Have One remembers trail notes scribed on sheet

No concept nor word for the thing we call ‘delete’

For this was before the time of transistors

When hashers penned letters of gout and of blisters

And sent them away, without any tracking

And hoped that the pony express was not slacking

But let’s not forget his talents o’ plenty

Offer carpool to trail and he’ll get a bit spendy

And bestow there upon you a feast from The Bell

To put your GI tract through internal hash hell!

He’ll fix any home project, any bike or a car

Anything mechanical, he’s quite the pornstar

But I digress, just come to hash with Charm City

We promise a trail, we don’t promise it’s pretty

Just kidding you wank just come roast Don’t Have One

We promise, we swear, it will be tons of fun.

on-on

—

Lamar Mair